I know what's best for me, but I want you instead.

There was something about the way he smiled that seemed to steal her heart, every single time.

It was something about the infinite sadness and the struggle to be happy anyway. It reflected in his smile, and when she was priviledged enough to see it, her breath would catch in her throat, and she could feel herself falling that little bit more for Jerry. It was doomed from the start, and she tried so hard not to. Jerry was still in love with Ruby, and she was still betrothed. Nothing had changed since the last time he'd smiled at her, and she'd decided that she needed to avoid falling for Jerry. But still, it wasn't like something she could help.

It was like the dream of what she always wanted, it was a man she could love, rather than one she had to force herself to love. He was a man who would be loyal, and expect fidelity in return as a mutual act of committed love, rather than a man who could help himself to any woman he wanted, and kill her for even looking at another man. In fact, if her betrothed could read her thoughts, he would beat her for even thinking about Jerry. It wasn't as though she was trying to think about him, or as though she wanted to fall in love with someone she had no chance with.

"Bethel? You alright?" Bethel blinked, looking right into Jerry's beautiful eyes. He was watching her shrewdly, and she belatedly realized that she'd drifted away into space while eating lunch with the very object of her affections. She could feel the famed red-head blush hitting her face, and she turned her head to try and fight it down.
"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I didn't mean to space on you Jerry, I'm sorry." She grinned, and picked up a soggy french fry, and waved it in Jerry's direction. "You didn't steal any of my food while I was spaced out, did you?"
Jerry chuckled, and reached out to snag a fry from her tray, winking slyly at her.
"Not at all."

Laughing in return, Bethel popped her fry into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully on it. There were times when she could swear that Jerry was flirting with her, though she knew it couldn't be true. They had an unspoken agreement that they wouldn't do any such thing. Jerry wanted to remain loyal to Ruby, and Bethel wanted to honor her betrothal contract. She sighed, propping her chin on the palm of her hand. What were they doing to themselves? Well, her. Jerry was probably thinking of Ruby everytime he slipped and offered her a flirtatcious comment or action. It wasn't easy for her, knowing that her betrothed was a good deal older than her, twenty to her fifteen, and while it didn't seem like much of an age-difference to love-struck lovers, to a girl who was more attracted to the boy across the table from her, it might as well have been centuries.
"Alright then, Mister Sneaky."

Suddenly, Jerry leaned across the table, staring intently at her eyes, and Bethel knew it was no use. She couldn't avoid the truth anymore, and she'd fallen for Jerry. His face loomed even closer, and his hand reached out for her. Bethel began to feel nervous, because if he was doing what she thought she was doing, she didn't know if she should push him away to keep him loyal for Ruby, or to kiss him senseless. Feeling like a deer caught in the headlights, Bethel's lips parted in shock and surprise. Jerry's thumb ran down the side of her face, and she felt lightheaded and dizzy. Then he leaned back, holding his thumb out to her.
"You had an eyelash. Make a wish, Bethel."

Bethel closed her eyes, and blew some of her breath across Jerry's thumb, wishing that she could either be with Jerry, or love someone just like him. But even as she wished it, she knew it was futile. She was caught in a cycle, tossed over and over.