Looking at you, holding my breath

It had actually been fifteen years.

Looking at her children, she had to wonder where those fifteen years had gone. Isobel had grown into a beautiful young woman, with bright blue eyes and a heart-stopping smile. Christian was a solid and dependable young man, responsible, and always looking after his siblings. Jake was a quiet boy, smart and always reading some book, or experimenting with some scientific law. He'd followed his father's passion, and Madeline was grateful for that. Ainsley, she was an adoreable little girl, with her big brown eyes always so solemn, her hand always tucked into Jake's or Chris'. They were beautiful children, but when had they grown so big?

When had she grown so old?

She could vividly remember each important event in her life, and it didn't feel like they should add up to forty-two years of life. She could remember learning to tie her shoes, Shayn teaching her to ride her bike, Alex helping her with school. She could remember meeting Morgan, and their beautiful relationship, and the cold reality of it's ending. Madeline remembered meeting Jonathan Stewart for the first time, and seeing those passionate brown eyes that still had the ability to bring her to her knees. She remembered the night she'd conceived the twins, and the morning she'd learned of their existance. She could recall the births of each of her children, and the sweetness of each anniversary with her husband.

Why was life so quickly speeding by?

Isobel and Christian would soon be graduating from school, each of to their own destinations. Isobel, who was so adamant about attending Juliard, and Chris who kept his own counsel. Jacob was about to enter Constance Billiard this next year, and Ainsley, her little baby, was beginnning to step away from her parents, needing them less and less often. She wasn't needed to soothe her children back to sleep anymore, or to listen to them pour out their bad days to her. It was hard, and on this day of remembering, it was even harder to avoid these pessimistic and bittersweet thoughts.

Today, she'd been married to Jonathan for thirteen years.

She watched Christian herd his siblings out the door, Isobel and Jake amiably discussing something that they were both learning in science class, and about what it was like to have Jonathan as their science teacher. Chris was kneeling in front of Ainsley, helping her button her coat, and then offering his hand to his baby sister, carefully leading her out to where Shayn was waiting to take them to the movies. Morgan and Tetsu were to pick them up for a 'Sleepover' at the twins' father's house.

That left Madeline and Jonathan with an evening alone.

Madeline lifted a hand, waving her hand to the children as they drove off, safe in the hands of her older brother, who would watch the movie with them. As she stood there, an arm gently wrapped around her waist, moving her slightly out of the doorway so that the door could close. Madeline's hand covered the one at her waist, and she leaned against her husband, the man who had been with her closer to sixteen years than the official thirteen. Using the hand at her waist, Jonathan turned her to face him, one of his hands resting lightly on her hip, the other taking her hand in his. Seeing his intention, Madeline lifted her free hand, wrapping her fingers lightly around his shoulder.

She tilted her head to look up at him.

Jonathan Stewart had weathered the years well, only the lines around his eyes showed his age- nearing his late forties- as his hair bore no gray, and his hands hadn't weakened or wrinkled over the years. In fact, Madeline felt that he looked too good for his age; she was sure it was illegal somewhere, though she wouldn't turn him in. She herself hadn't aged so gracefully, as the gray strands that graced her hair proved. Her face had given in to laugh lines around her eyes and mouth, and her hands looked worn, with a few wrinkles on them as well. But anytime she looked into her husband's fathomless eyes, she felt young and beautiful, as when she had first met him, all those years ago.

Was it really nineteen years since they had met?

Jonathan looked down at the slight woman in his arms, and smiled. She was still so beautiful, though yes, she had succumbed to some signs of aging. Yet, to Jonathan, these marks were not hideous signs of aging, but signs of the vital and vivacious life his wife contained in that small body. Each gray hair was a sign of her love, that she had worried over her children, and her best friend, and yes, even Jonathan himself. Each laugh line was a sign of the humor she possesed, and the good nature that let her laugh even at herself. As for her hands- well, they proved that she'd worked hard for what she had, that she'd earned each and every happiness that could be showered on her. Even now, those creases on her forehead, proved her worry; he knew what it was, that she worried she didn't make him happy.

He pressed his lips to those creases of worry.

"Mads, don't go there."
Madeline blinked, confusion replacing the insecurity that had plagued her just a moment before, and she let her hand slide closer to Jonathan's neck, playing with the thick brown hair at the base of his skull.
"Beg your pardon?"
"You're worrying."
Maddie couldn't help but let a soft laugh out at that statement of the obvious. Wasn't she always worrying? She shook her head, holding her breath for a moment as the worry returned. Was Jonathan mad at her? Jon sighed, pulling his wife closer.
"Jon, I'm not-"
"After nearly twenty years, I think I can tell when something's bothering you."
The amusement in his voice was close to irritating her, but Maddie let it fall away. Sometimes, in order to love someone, you let the little things go.

"I'm not young anymore." She lifted her hand to Jon's lips, cutting off whatever it was that he was about to say. "It's true. I'm getting old, and Jon, I just...I'm-"
"Stop." The command was softly spoken from behind her finger, but it was still a command no matter how softly spoken.
"Don't interupt me, please."
"I'm your husband, Madeline, now and then I have that right. Like now."
"But-"
"You're beautiful, Mads. I didn't sign up for this expecting you to never age. I wanted this, I wanted to grow old with you, and raise a family with you, and fall asleep every night with you in my arms, and wake up each morning to the sound of your voice. Ten years from now, or forty."

There were no words she could say, not to that.

But she still had to try, though it took her a few minutes to find something to say to words that powerful, to words that true. What she finally came up with was rather inadequate.
"Really?"
"Would you believe me if I told you that I love you more now, than when I first fell for you?"
Her suprised silence was expected, and Jonathan smiled at her, giving her a little spin, and pulling her snugly back into his arms. "It's true. Now I have so many more reasons to love you. Like the way I love how you still tuck the children in, when they're fast asleep. Or the way that you smile at me from the other end of the dinner table."

Now she was flushed.

Julienne had once told her that someday, Jonathan would show her real romance. Julienne had always said that Jonathan had romantic Morgan to live up to, and he didn't intend to be second best. He never had been, but in all of their years together, as friends, and dating, and lovers and marriage, Jonathan had never been so romantic. He'd always been better than Morgan, but now he'd blown his old competition right out of the water.

Knowing he had her, Jonathan leaned down to give her a kiss.

And as those familiar lips carressed hers, Madeline realized that there was no reason to be bittersweet. Time might have flown by, and her children might be growing up, but life wasn't over. There was a new phase of life to explore, and a man who loved her to explore it with. As she kissed Jonathan back, she realized that she loved him more now, too.

And she realized that there was still plenty of time to express that.